“You should be over it already. It’s been 10 years.”
“Why aren’t you grateful?”
“You have everything, what do you have to be sad about?”
All this and more are words every person hears when encountering an individual who is ignorant about handling traumas and depression.
I am not a therapist. I am just someone who was and still needs reminders on how to regain self from overwhelming anxiety, resettle the balance of logic and emotions, and face my feelings rather than sweep it under the rug.
Recently I have been confronted by an individual that told me most of the phrases above. Thus, I wrote this post to cathartically speak back but also reach out to those that have been told the same thing.
Below are three pieces of advice from one who has suffered from a bout or two of depression and constant anxiety.
Don’t let anyone dictate WHEN you should heal
Just because an event has caused you severe pain, doesn’t mean you have to be over it because it happened “x” amount of years ago. Of course, everyone wants to forget trauma, but sometimes, that is not possible without the proper resources. Time does NOT always heal all wounds especially when we need certain resources crucial to recovery. Without proper treatment, our traumas can sit there and fester non stop or in some cases, tear open again.
In my case, every time I sweep trauma under the rug, another event reminds me of its existence and then all that PTSD comes back right from the start no matter the time passed.
What I am trying to say is that no one owns to the keys to your healing except you. No one else can dictate your journey in getting past a trauma. Don’t allow others to shame you for your feelings. The moment you do, is the moment they win. Sometimes, they don’t even mean it maliciously and are unknowingly kicking a dog when its down.
But as I mentioned, you can seek help and as my therapist friends have told me, it is possible to get over a trauma. We just have to start the healing process and not let the buffoons get the better of you.
You are allowed to feel – Especially the bad
We are in a culture that teaches us that feeling negative emotions are unacceptable. But to give off sunshine every freaking minute of the day is unrealistic. As humans, we hurt, we get sad, we get mad, and sometimes just wake up crummy. Of course, we don’t want to stay in these states for long periods but to say it is stupid to experience them at all is even worse.
This culture of shaming negative feelings adds on to the weight of the baggage we already carry. We feel bad about our emotions on TOP of the existing pain. Why do this? Why carry society’s expectations?
Listen to people who help you refill your grave of sadness up with hope. Don’t let yourself be influenced by people who make your grave deeper.
Forgive the ignorant – Seek support
Mental health is slowly growing awareness but is not fully understood – especially by those that do not educate themselves on the subject. Instead of growing resentment toward those family members or friends, forgive them. They do not know what you are going through and whether or not they are trying, it is essential you seek a clan that does. Depression is multifaceted and just because one person experiences it does not mean another fully understands. Healing is like a boat on the ocean. There is no way you can copy another person’s path as it is like river water, never staying in one place.
Support from those that are willing to listen, guide, and connect with you is everything. On top of seeing a therapist, it wasn’t until I connected with people who felt similar feelings did I start to climb out of my grave. As grim as it seems, it is a positive memory as it reminds me of how strong my will can be despite the crap I had to endure.
The OOTD Breakdown
The whole outfit was inspired by the sight of this Catherine Suede Skirt at Boho Blu. The scalloped cut on the bottom of the skirt, and the gold buttons spoke to me. The suede is such a stretchy material so it is comfortable to wear for dinner. Additionally, you can tuck thick sweaters in like I did for previous bottoms to create a longer torso.
The sweater is a Charlotte Russe pull from last year’s blog post about how to look like money in the colder months. It went perfectly with my full, all black ensemble as it did with my faux leather skirt for that shoot.
The Very Volatile boots are new and a steal I found at Dillards Clearance for only $30! Despite the heel hight being taller than what I usually gravitate to, I found that I could walk in them with ease and not look like a baby giraffe.
The Lanzom Brim Hat was something I snagged off my blogger girlfriend and local influencer London Kasmir. Her eclectic, boho style is great inspo for my wardrobe. Once I saw her wear this hat at a winery, I had to get my own – especially at $15. I love how the red-tan color matches the light brown on the boot’s heel.
I have worn the Safari Chloe and Isabel earrings in a previous post and had to bring them out again for this brown love affair. The safari colors contrasted against the black knit sweater for a punch.
I have a passion for many things other than fashion. On top of a slick suit, ferocious cheetah booties, or an cozy galore purple sweater, I seek to expand my knowledge of mental health, the pursuit of happiness, and women empowerment. I hate staying stagnant, and thus I hope you all enjoy posts like this as well. It is not only cathartic, but it is a topic that I hope helps some of you in your journey to bettering your self.